Wednesday, July 18, 2012
While we're waiting
A couple of weekends ago we had just came back home from eating and decided to watch a movie, We had a friend over and while of course my first vote for the movie to watch was Sweet Home Alabama my vote was vetoed and we all agreed upon the movie Fire Proof.
If you haven't watched this movie then you need to. It’s a great story and is actually based on a book that helps strengthen relationships (The book is titled the Love Dare). Scott and I have seen this movie several times and we both enjoy it.
Since we have already seen it, I decided that I would make some brownies while the movie played, and of course the guys were talking about the fire station and trucks along with the other fire related things that the movie showed. Ya know totally not my thing. I love that Scott is so passionate about helping people and putting out fires and all but it just scares me to think about and although I am his biggest cheerleader, I personally have NO interest in fire, I mean hello Fire = HOT+Scary, which is defiantly not an equation I want to be a part of.
As I'm in the kitchen checking on the yummy treats in the oven a song starts to play on the movie, I don’t remember ever hearing the song before but something about the words just went straight to my heart. There was a line that said "I'm waiting on your Lord, though it's not easy, no but faithfully I will wait" I turned around and looked at Scott and said: "Did you hear that, he said faithfully I will wait, and the name of our blog is faithfully waiting, that’s crazy we gatta find that song!"
The song goes on to say: "I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting I will serve you. While I'm waiting I will worship. While I'm waiting I will not faint, I'll be running the race, even while I wait, I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting on you Lord"
The lyrics to the song have come to my mind several times over the last couple of weeks. While I would love to just stay curled up in my pj's and wait for our child, doing that is not a possibility and its not realistic. Also that is not God's intentions for our lives. We will never be given anything that we cannot handle and we can’t just set around when we are in a battle, we must stand up and fight for the things that the Lord has put into our hearts as desires.
While I may get upset and don’t understand why this is the battle Scott and I must face, It is the hand that we have been dealt and we refuse to let it bring us down. I use to say "there is a reason for everything", as I have grown up and have became an adult I don’t agree with that as much as I use to but I do believe it is true in this situation, because I believe the Lord wants us to use our story to help others and to be an inspiration (although I don’t know what kind of job I'm doing at that) to others. He has a plan and although we can’t see it now and don’t understand it we will continue to run this race with our heads held high and following the Lord.
I encourage you to go find the song on youtube it's titled “While I'm waiting” and is sung by John Waller, I love it, and hope that it will give you all some encouragement as you wait for whatever it is that the Lord is working on in your life!-A
Stay tuned there will probably be another post up soon that discusses some things I (A) have been feeling lately and also some things that have been said to me recently. Also I have an idea for a Q&A post with both Scott and I so if you have any questions please comment and we will try to answer them all in that post! :) I (A) enjoy blogging and hope to get better and learn more about it but let me know if there is something in particular you'd like for us to share about, We decided to blog as a way to document our journey with infertility but we would love to talk about things that are of interest to those of you who take the time to read our post!
Friday, July 6, 2012
No use crying over ruined pj's?
This afternoon after working all night last night and being up running round town doing errands all day with the hubs we finally get home and I of course decided to get comfortable which means I want to put my jammies on. Now I don't know about yall but I sleep in my pj's at least twice before washing them and I will admit that 90% of the time they will lay somewhere in the bedroom floor until they have been worn for the second time, unless of course by some miracle they make it into the clothes hamper.
So this afternoon was no different than any other as I look at my bedroom floor and spot the black 80's inspired jammie bottoms(that were just purchased last weekend and had only been worn once so far) and I immediately decide yup those will be perfect, I pick them up and to my horror I find that there is a huge hole in them,now you'll remember I said I had worn them once only.
My mind automatically flashed back to Wednesday (July 4th) when "the dog" had been up in her cage for most of the day(notice I only referred to her as "the dog" instead of the usual "precious our baby"?). Then I think about yesterday, and how she refused to stay in her bed so she ended up sleeping in the bed with me most of the day...Can anyone see where this is going?
You see "The dog" has somewhat of a "I'll get you back" nature, and no this is not the first time she has sought revenge on items belonging to me, but this is the first time that her spiteful ways have ever made me cry. As I walked to the living room to show Scott "The dog's" malicious act, I could feel the tears welling up inside of me. "Look what YOUR DOG did" I said holding up the jammie bottoms and look at him through the enormous hole she had chewed. He starts to laugh, which only hurts me more "It's NOT funny" I yell and then, I toss the pants in the trash can as I walk to our bedroom and slam the door.
I had just covered up when Scott walks in and with the sweetest voice says "don't be mad at me". All of a sudden the tears that had been building since I found the jammies with the hole poured out and I explained to the wonderful man I adore that "I am not mad at you, it's just everything is changing" (I start a new schedule at work on Monday which means I lose Friday nights with him*Update schedule didn't change THANK YOU GOD and a child I have become very attached to at work will be leaving soon, getting attached is a no no in my line of work, we know that the children will be leaving its just a matter of when). Then I said with tears still rolling "They are just pj's but they were MY pj's and I cant ever have anything nice"(which is definitely not something I should be confessing over my life). Scott just rubs my head as I continue to sob and I finally say "and I'm just so tired".
I'm not quite sure if he understood that I meant I am tired since I have been up since 10 last night, but I am also emotionally tired...If you follow me on facebook then you know that we have another fertility appointment made for the 26th of this month which means obviously that we have still not conceived.
If you have had infertility issues in the past then you know the kind of tired that I was referring to, I am tired of being upset, I am tired of seeing others have what I want so desperately, I am tired of hearing "it will happen" I am tired of giving it time. I am tired of crying over it, I am tired of loosing sleep over it, I am just tired...The "I" word simply put, SUCKS!
No matter how tired I get though I still pray to our AWESOME God, The very God who will move mountains for me, the same God who loved me so much that he gave HIS son for me so that you and I could live eternally! When I think about what a love that must be it gives me goosebumps!
I know that God will give us the desires of our hearts, his word tells us this in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart".
Last Sunday at church our wonderful Pastor talked about the fact that God does not want us to worry and if we can just grasp the fact that if we give our "problems" up to God he will give us rest Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
So for this week I am challenging you all as well as myself to cast all your cares upon him, and receive rest from the only one who can truly give you the rest you are looking for. And don't go crying over spilled milk, spilled perfume or in my case ruined pj's! Side note---- being the wonderful man that I love so dearly, Mr. Hubs decided that he would let me take a nap after my mini melt down. He returned about an hour later with supper, PIZZA of course and me a new pair of pj's needless to say that put a big smile on my face!-A
So this afternoon was no different than any other as I look at my bedroom floor and spot the black 80's inspired jammie bottoms(that were just purchased last weekend and had only been worn once so far) and I immediately decide yup those will be perfect, I pick them up and to my horror I find that there is a huge hole in them,now you'll remember I said I had worn them once only.
My mind automatically flashed back to Wednesday (July 4th) when "the dog" had been up in her cage for most of the day(notice I only referred to her as "the dog" instead of the usual "precious our baby"?). Then I think about yesterday, and how she refused to stay in her bed so she ended up sleeping in the bed with me most of the day...Can anyone see where this is going?
You see "The dog" has somewhat of a "I'll get you back" nature, and no this is not the first time she has sought revenge on items belonging to me, but this is the first time that her spiteful ways have ever made me cry. As I walked to the living room to show Scott "The dog's" malicious act, I could feel the tears welling up inside of me. "Look what YOUR DOG did" I said holding up the jammie bottoms and look at him through the enormous hole she had chewed. He starts to laugh, which only hurts me more "It's NOT funny" I yell and then, I toss the pants in the trash can as I walk to our bedroom and slam the door.
I had just covered up when Scott walks in and with the sweetest voice says "don't be mad at me". All of a sudden the tears that had been building since I found the jammies with the hole poured out and I explained to the wonderful man I adore that "I am not mad at you, it's just everything is changing" (
I'm not quite sure if he understood that I meant I am tired since I have been up since 10 last night, but I am also emotionally tired...If you follow me on facebook then you know that we have another fertility appointment made for the 26th of this month which means obviously that we have still not conceived.
If you have had infertility issues in the past then you know the kind of tired that I was referring to, I am tired of being upset, I am tired of seeing others have what I want so desperately, I am tired of hearing "it will happen" I am tired of giving it time. I am tired of crying over it, I am tired of loosing sleep over it, I am just tired...The "I" word simply put, SUCKS!
No matter how tired I get though I still pray to our AWESOME God, The very God who will move mountains for me, the same God who loved me so much that he gave HIS son for me so that you and I could live eternally! When I think about what a love that must be it gives me goosebumps!
I know that God will give us the desires of our hearts, his word tells us this in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart".
Last Sunday at church our wonderful Pastor talked about the fact that God does not want us to worry and if we can just grasp the fact that if we give our "problems" up to God he will give us rest Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
So for this week I am challenging you all as well as myself to cast all your cares upon him, and receive rest from the only one who can truly give you the rest you are looking for. And don't go crying over spilled milk, spilled perfume or in my case ruined pj's! Side note---- being the wonderful man that I love so dearly, Mr. Hubs decided that he would let me take a nap after my mini melt down. He returned about an hour later with supper, PIZZA of course and me a new pair of pj's needless to say that put a big smile on my face!-A
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Half a year
Yesterday I saw a reminder (on facebook I'm sure) that there is only 5 months until Christmas which means we are already halfway through this year! Umm hello can someone tell me where the first half went? I don't know what the newsflash shocked me, it's easy to get into routines and then time just slips away from you and before you know it the day is done and then the week, then the month and now half a year!
I know for us we have had a lot go on so far this year, My sister stayed with us from December till February, We got a new car and then got it taken away (go us for learning a lesson about if you don't pay for it "they" will come get it, we also learned if you cant pay for it don't buy it, we tend to learn things the hard way I guess you could say). We had our very first doctors appointment in April for our infertility issues only to be told in May at our last appointment (thus far) that "there's nothing more we can do for you", We got a cat (his name is Ty and he is super sweet). I started selling thirty-one, We just scheduled our first appointment with a different doctor for a second opinion (appointment is July 26th). I'm sure there is more major events that happened but I just cant think of them right now.
With all that has went on in our busy lives, I find myself sitting here wondering "have I made a difference in someone's life so far this year?" "have I done something that touched someone's heart?" "Have I even done one small act of kindness that would show the Lord's love through me?" See I get a little crazy wanting to make sure I'm a good person.
I think it's easier for Scott He runs into burning buildings or quickly gets in his car and races to a wreck where he will possibly save a life or someones home or property. All of those acts are noble and take bravery, but as for me do I do anything brave or noble? I sometimes feel like nothing I do will compare to what great things Scott has done, but then I remember as we all should remember that it doesn't have to be a "BIG" act of kindness, but you do need to be kind. Hold the door for the elderly lady doing her best to make it through the door, Smile at the stranger in the car next to you, wave at your mailman (or lady, that's what we have a mail-lady). Small acts can have just as much impact at a large act, you never know what someone else is going through and you could possibly make their whole day!
How can you show a small act of kindness today? How will you spend the rest of this year? I plan to make the rest of the year memorable, I pray that the Lord continues to use Scott and I for his good, and I pray that others will see his light through us! I pray for all of you as well I pray you have a fantastic day and that the next half of the year is 10 times better than the first for us all! -"A"
I know for us we have had a lot go on so far this year, My sister stayed with us from December till February, We got a new car and then got it taken away (go us for learning a lesson about if you don't pay for it "they" will come get it, we also learned if you cant pay for it don't buy it, we tend to learn things the hard way I guess you could say). We had our very first doctors appointment in April for our infertility issues only to be told in May at our last appointment (thus far) that "there's nothing more we can do for you", We got a cat (his name is Ty and he is super sweet). I started selling thirty-one, We just scheduled our first appointment with a different doctor for a second opinion (appointment is July 26th). I'm sure there is more major events that happened but I just cant think of them right now.
With all that has went on in our busy lives, I find myself sitting here wondering "have I made a difference in someone's life so far this year?" "have I done something that touched someone's heart?" "Have I even done one small act of kindness that would show the Lord's love through me?" See I get a little crazy wanting to make sure I'm a good person.
I think it's easier for Scott He runs into burning buildings or quickly gets in his car and races to a wreck where he will possibly save a life or someones home or property. All of those acts are noble and take bravery, but as for me do I do anything brave or noble? I sometimes feel like nothing I do will compare to what great things Scott has done, but then I remember as we all should remember that it doesn't have to be a "BIG" act of kindness, but you do need to be kind. Hold the door for the elderly lady doing her best to make it through the door, Smile at the stranger in the car next to you, wave at your mailman (or lady, that's what we have a mail-lady). Small acts can have just as much impact at a large act, you never know what someone else is going through and you could possibly make their whole day!
How can you show a small act of kindness today? How will you spend the rest of this year? I plan to make the rest of the year memorable, I pray that the Lord continues to use Scott and I for his good, and I pray that others will see his light through us! I pray for all of you as well I pray you have a fantastic day and that the next half of the year is 10 times better than the first for us all! -"A"
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Introductions
Most of you who view this will already know who we are but in case you don't we'd like to share a little bit about ourselves. The basics: We are Scott and Autumn( most post will come from me) We have been happily married for almost 3 years now and have been together since January 2008(that's when we say we started dating, it took Scott a long 4 months of talking to me on the phone, through emails and of course through myspace messages to finally decide to ask me out, then it took him another month of going on dates to decided to ask me to be his girlfirend)Guess he had to be sure I wasn't crazy?
As for me I knew that I would marry Scott the first time I talked to him, I'm a firm believer that the Lord plans our spouses for us and I believe this is why I knew Scott was the "ONE" from the very beginning...We live an average life, nothing to extravagant here, we are blessed to have the life we do and cant wait to share some of it with you! Our intentions of this blog are pretty simple we want to share our happiness and our struggles with you all in hopes that we bring glory to God and blessings to those who read what what we have to say.
Many of you already know that Scott and I have infertility issues(hence the name of the blog, because we are faithfully waiting for God's promises to come), and just let me tell you I have grown to HATE the "I" word with a passion, its such an ugly word and the moment you read or hear it come from someones mouth it brings so much pain with it, it took us a very long time to finally share with people what we are going through and now that we have made the decision to not let the "I" word define us, our hope is that our story will be a blessing to at least one persons life.
We decided shortly after being married that children was something we would leave up to God, We stopped using any kind of birth control with the thinking that "if it happens then great and if it doesn't then it's not the right time" Since we're being honest here I will admit that I was so excited we had made such a BIG decision after all I've dreamed of being a mommy since as far back as I can remember, I always had to be the "mom" when my sister and I would play as children and my baby dolls, well they wore real baby diapers and clothes and even had a real baby stroller, yes being a mom was something I always wanted to do.
As we approached our first anniversary I have to admit that I was heart broken that we had not gotten pregnant yet and of course by that time I had started searching the internet for ways to improve our chances, we had also talked with some close family and friends about what was going on, by our second anniversary we had tried every old wise tale and all the advice from friends and family and still we were childless, we begin to get worried...As we know from Scripture (Philippians 4:6-7 as an example) tells us not to worry about anything but still we worried, and waited and waited and worried. I remember thinking no one ever said it would be this hard! And yet it was hard and is still hard to deal with.
As of now we have seen a regular Ob/gyn and have done 2 cycles of Clomid, Our levels for the most part our normal and we know that I have the ability to produce eggs, and Scott has the ability to produce sperm (haha if only it were that simple). We are now saving so that we can schedule an appointment with a different Ob/gyn for a second opinion since we believe we weren't given a fair shake with the first because of not having insurance.
Before I close for the day I must share one piece of advice that I wish I would have done sooner, If you think there is a problem go see a doctor as soon as you can don't put yourself through months or even years of the unknown, for me calling and making the first appointment was the hardest part, I felt like when I made that appointment I was admitting that there was something wrong with me, although after making the appointment there was a little sigh of relief because it then felt like we were moving in the right direction, we were doing something about our issue, WE WILL OVERCOME our obstacles and for right now we will still be faithfully waiting.
As for me I knew that I would marry Scott the first time I talked to him, I'm a firm believer that the Lord plans our spouses for us and I believe this is why I knew Scott was the "ONE" from the very beginning...We live an average life, nothing to extravagant here, we are blessed to have the life we do and cant wait to share some of it with you! Our intentions of this blog are pretty simple we want to share our happiness and our struggles with you all in hopes that we bring glory to God and blessings to those who read what what we have to say.
Many of you already know that Scott and I have infertility issues(hence the name of the blog, because we are faithfully waiting for God's promises to come), and just let me tell you I have grown to HATE the "I" word with a passion, its such an ugly word and the moment you read or hear it come from someones mouth it brings so much pain with it, it took us a very long time to finally share with people what we are going through and now that we have made the decision to not let the "I" word define us, our hope is that our story will be a blessing to at least one persons life.
We decided shortly after being married that children was something we would leave up to God, We stopped using any kind of birth control with the thinking that "if it happens then great and if it doesn't then it's not the right time" Since we're being honest here I will admit that I was so excited we had made such a BIG decision after all I've dreamed of being a mommy since as far back as I can remember, I always had to be the "mom" when my sister and I would play as children and my baby dolls, well they wore real baby diapers and clothes and even had a real baby stroller, yes being a mom was something I always wanted to do.
As we approached our first anniversary I have to admit that I was heart broken that we had not gotten pregnant yet and of course by that time I had started searching the internet for ways to improve our chances, we had also talked with some close family and friends about what was going on, by our second anniversary we had tried every old wise tale and all the advice from friends and family and still we were childless, we begin to get worried...As we know from Scripture (Philippians 4:6-7 as an example) tells us not to worry about anything but still we worried, and waited and waited and worried. I remember thinking no one ever said it would be this hard! And yet it was hard and is still hard to deal with.
As of now we have seen a regular Ob/gyn and have done 2 cycles of Clomid, Our levels for the most part our normal and we know that I have the ability to produce eggs, and Scott has the ability to produce sperm (haha if only it were that simple). We are now saving so that we can schedule an appointment with a different Ob/gyn for a second opinion since we believe we weren't given a fair shake with the first because of not having insurance.
Before I close for the day I must share one piece of advice that I wish I would have done sooner, If you think there is a problem go see a doctor as soon as you can don't put yourself through months or even years of the unknown, for me calling and making the first appointment was the hardest part, I felt like when I made that appointment I was admitting that there was something wrong with me, although after making the appointment there was a little sigh of relief because it then felt like we were moving in the right direction, we were doing something about our issue, WE WILL OVERCOME our obstacles and for right now we will still be faithfully waiting.
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