Does anybody hear me?

There is a song by Casting Crowns with the lyrics: "Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?" Today was one of those days for me. Let me first say that I know that the Lord hears all my prayers, however going through this infertility journey I mostly feel alone...I don't want a pity party that's not what I'm looking for but today like many other days I feel like I'm working so hard, I do so much and still so alone on this journey its been months now since we actually went to the fertility doctor, its like we took 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Scott and I had decided a month or so ago that God must have some big plan that we cant see and we just gatta make it through all this crap to get us to where He wants us to be, I felt a peace that night when we had that conversation but it didn't take long before the sadness set it. My heart aches to be a mother, there's not anything I wouldn't give, there's not anything I wouldn't do! There are people out there who think we cant afford a baby and people out there who think we don't have enough faith that it will happen, I just don't understand how anyone can think those things, In a room full of people with children I could almost bet that they couldn't "afford" to have children either and after years of keeping our faith I openly admit that it wears a little thin sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't believe it will happen. We have faith, I make that statement because if I didn't believe that it would happen I wouldn't be sitting here writing this I would have already gave up on that dream and moved on. And about the money, well if you have thousands and thousands just laying around then you should be thanking the Lord for your blessings! I've said it before and I will continue to say it North Carolina does NOT require insurance companies to cover infertility, which includes but is not limited to the testing and treatment of infertility. Therefore if you live in a state like we do that doesn't mandate infertility coverage than you must pay for all testing and treatment yourself, and just a little heads up on that as well most doctors who treat infertility will at minimum want to see you a couple times per month while you are on treatment so that your body can be monitored on how it responds, that's the hand we've been dealt right now at this moment anything we have done is paid out of pocket...At my age I have learned that I don't have to please others and opinions are just others peoples thoughts about a situation, after-all its easier to judge when your not dealing with it yourself ya know the whole "if you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all" yea? Well that applies to everybody and every situation if you don't know what your talking about its best to not say anything at all...While I try to ignore those type of things and I try to surround myself with people who will stay in faith with us, that doesn't mean that negative words and actions still don't hurt...Some may argue that we "ask for it" when we share openly about our lives and our struggles(me more than S) I'm sorry if talking about my life offends you don't have to read about it, that's your choice and you should make choices that are right for you! As I set here tonight alone in my quiet living room, I imagine what the sound of tiny giggles and the pitter patter of little feet will sound like running down my halls, I hold my stomach and I ask God "why us? Why does anyone have to feel this pain? I wipe my eyes and I say thank you Lord for our babies, thank you Lord for your comfort, Thank you Lord for all the blessings you have already given us. In Jesus name I pray Amen" Again I certainly don't want pity or for someone to feel sorry for us but what I do ask is that you take a moment and say a prayer for us, just stand in faith with us that we will defeat infertility and we will have babies lots and lots of babies(I'm totally OK with being like the Duggers on TV haha)! Also I didn't write this to offend anyone, once again this is our journey and I feel it's important to document the things that are going on in our lives. On a total side note here (that's how my mind works...) Happy Birthday to my little sister today! Maegs if your reading this I cant believe you are 20! I hope your day was amazing! -A